Such a grief, we missed him

 By B S Ranganath

His affectionate smile faded on Sarva Ekadashi in 1956, when his physical journey came to a close. His mortal remains were consigned to the sacred flames at the MCC Crematorium at Harishchandra Ghat, nestled near the Guha Temple at the Chamundi Foothills, Mysuru. I am writing this overdue tribute today, honoring his memory as I've performed his yearly rituals this month. 

For many families in India, special days on the lunar calendar carry a mix of spirit, tradition, and comfort. I found myself swept up in this feeling one morning in July, when my family in Bengaluru gathered for my father's annual remembrance ceremony. The house was alive with scents of sandalwood, the sound of soft devotional tunes, and a sense of peace. The occasion? Sarva Ekadashi, that fell due on July 10 this year. To some, it might seem like just another festival, but for us, there’s a deeper story woven into this eleventh lunar day; its layers only become clearer with each family celebration.

Ekadashi literally means "the eleventh," and Sarva Ekadashi is the particular eleventh lunar day every month that's universally observed across most Indian states and communities. It isn’t tied to just one region or sect; pretty much everyone from devotees on pilgrimage, to city families like mine, recognize its spiritual weight. The day is devoted to Lord Vishnu and seen as a rare cosmic alignment where energies in nature cooperate to sharpen focus and promote self-discipline.

On Sarva Ekadashi, people fast, pray, and reflect. But this day goes beyond rituals. Think of it as a reset button for both your body and mind. So when the calendar flips to Ekadashi, it’s common to see temples packed, households bustling with prayer, or even solitary seekers finding their own way to connect. Stories, songs, and family rituals all find new meaning during this time.

Family Traditions: The Bengaluru Gathering

Growing up, I knew Ekadashi was a big deal because the entire family would plan meals around it. Coincidentally in 2023, the shraaddha date matched with Sarva Ekadashi. For many Hindus, the alignment of a remembrance ceremony with this spiritually charged day carries extra meaning. It's a way of honoring ancestors in a space believed to be fresh, vibrant, and, as tradition has it, open to blessings.

During the homa (fire ritual) and pooja, relatives shared stories about how Sarva Ekadashi impacts not just the living, but the departed too. There’s a belief that on this day, prayers and offerings for loved ones can help dissolve their karmic burdens, giving them greater peace in their next adventure. I’ve felt firsthand how these rituals bring family closer, strengthen bonds, and offer a kind of steady support to those missing someone dear.

The Heart of the Fast: Fasting on Sarva Ekadashi is more than just following rules. At its core, it’s about giving your digestive system a break and your senses a little self-control practice. People avoid grains, beans, and ordinary comfort foods, sticking to water, fruit, or special dishes made without rice or wheat. Some go an extra mile and only drink water or milk. For beginners, this sounds pretty tough; but ask any devotee and you’ll hear that the experience is actually freeing, not just physically, but mentally too.

According to scriptures like the Padma Purana and Vishnu Purana, Ekadashi fasts help remove toxins, calm turbulent thoughts, and invite clarity. Scientific studies even back up how occasional fasting can benefit health, though the real buzz during Sarva Ekadashi is about inner change. Many describe the strong sense of control over cravings and the discipline built up as life skills that extend far past the single day. Kids, adults, seniors—everyone is encouraged to join in at their own pace, creating a supportive, communal spirit.

Mental Clarity: With fewer distractions from heavy meals or sugar, it’s much easier to quiet your mind and focus on prayer or contemplation.

Physical Cleansing: Abstaining from grains and pulses rests the digestive tract and allows the body to flush out waste naturally.

Paving the Way for Spiritual Growth: By conquering hunger and attachment, devotees feel closer to the ideals of devotion and peace encouraged by Lord Vishnu.

Here's something that’s always stuck with me: Sarva Ekadashi is known as a "Gateway to Liberation" in Hindu texts. The energy on this day is thought to be so spiritually charged that even new practitioners can feel a difference. The deeper goal isn’t just skipping a meal, but chipping away at negative thought patterns, emotional baggage, or what’s often called “bad karma.” Acharya and temple priests often remind us—Ekadashi helps break cycles of guilt, old habits, and stress, paving the way for freedom at both a daily and cosmic level.

I’ve heard moving stories from relatives who say this single day of effort switched up things in their lives, whether overcoming grief or finding inner direction. That’s why, when combined with ceremonies like shraaddha, Sarva Ekadashi becomes a day to not just honor ancestors but to heal personally. The combination creates a kind of ripple: helping those who have passed on, while also working through our own struggles here and now.

Digging Deeper: During this year's ceremony in Bengaluru, the talk briefly turned to the various shraaddhas (remembrance rituals) performed in Hindu tradition. There are famously 19 types, each tied to different intentions, timings, or relationships—some are done for parents, others for community members, and a few during rare astrological phases. On a day like Sarva Ekadashi, even those who don’t usually follow these customs will sometimes pitch in, believing the benefits get amplified by the day’s positive energy.

A few types people discuss the most:

Ekoddishta Shraaddha: Offered specifically for one ancestor or individual.

Parvana Shraaddha: Done for several departed relatives as a group.

Karmanga Shraaddha: Linked to major family events like weddings or house warmings, seeking the ancestors’ blessings.

Sapinda Shraaddha: Connects several generations by offering to a line of family ancestors.

The key point the family priest often shares: the day matters as much as the act. Scheduling remembrance on Sarva Ekadashi is thought to open a powerful “channel” between us and the divine, making prayers more effective and blessings more abundant.

You don’t have to be an expert or superdevout to feel connected on Sarva Ekadashi. Here are some friendly tips, especially for first-timers:

Start Simple: If full fasting feels tough, try skipping just one meal or going grainfree for a day. Even light participation gets you in the spirit.

Create a Calm Space: Spend a few minutes meditating or reading a short mythological story about Lord Vishnu. Bringing intention to your activities is worth more than elaborate setups if you’re sincere.

Join Loved Ones: Connecting with family, even virtually, adds a warmth and support that makes the day feel less isolating and more motivating.

Embrace Imperfection: If you can’t keep all the fasts or forget a mantra, don’t sweat it. The genuine effort matters most!

Give Back: Sharing food with someone in need, donating to charity, or volunteering, even in small ways, lifts your mood and counts as spiritual practice on Sarva Ekadashi.

Getting Family Buy-In: Not everyone at home may be ready to jump on the fasting train. I always find it easier to explain the health and mental benefits, and set realistic expectations.

Managing Work and Ritual: Balancing jobs and ritual schedules is a real challenge. Setting aside even a few quiet minutes helps you feel involved.

Meal Prep: Planning nongrain meals in advance keeps decision fatigue at bay. Simple options like fruits, milk, and potato based dishes work well.

Keeps Kids Involved: Young ones may not be ready for the full fast. Giving them creative tasks, like drawing Lord Vishnu or reading a simple story, lets them join in without pressure.

Sarva Ekadashi isn’t just an ancient ritual carried over without thought. It’s a practical tool for living well, honoring loved ones, and building community. I’ve seen firsthand how this one day encourages families to gather, pause, and reset. Whether you’re observing it alone, with family, or for the memory of someone you love, Sarva Ekadashi offers a perfect mix of rest, reflection, and renewal. In today's busy world, having even one day a month to detox your mind, connect with deeper values, and spread kindness truly feels like a gift.